The Stars are (RE-)Aligned!

“Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

In the early 80’s, one of my high school teachers read daily horoscopes (from the day previous) out loud to the class to see if the predictions truly were accurate. As members of the class “oohed” and “aahed” and nodded their heads in agreement that indeed, yesterday had been just as their horoscope had read…I, as the lone astrological skeptic, thought, “I could have fit yesterday into any of those generalities.” Then the teacher revealed that he had actually “twisted the dial” and read the incorrect horoscope for everyone.

Well, it seems the stars have (re-)aligned, and just when
you got that Taurus Tattoo, you became an Aries! That’s progress people…the earth tilts and suddenly the whole galaxy as we know it is put into a primordial spin. On the bright side, it is certainly going to help the tattoo-removal business. In case you need to go re-read today’s horoscope, “here’s your (new) sign”:

Capricorn: January 20 to February 16
Aquarius: February 16 to March 11
Pisces: March 11 to April 18.
Aries: April 18 to May 13
Taurus: May 13 to June 21.
Gemini: June 21 to July 20
Cancer: July 20 to August 10
Leo: August 10 to September 16
Virgo: September 16 to October 30
Libra: October 30 to November 23
Scorpio: November 23 to November 29
Ophiuchus: November 29 to December 17
Sagittarius: December 17 to January 20

If you are disturbed by this shift in the galaxy, you are not alone! There are claims that perhaps this doesn’t apply to the western world (we can choose our own reality!), or since we added that 13th constellation, we should add a 13th month to the year (poor Ophiuchus…he’s been there all along and now he’s finally getting some respect! Let’s name the new month “Ophiember”), or (my favorite): Earth’s movement does not determine astrological signs (Hello? Do they not understand the definition of Astrology?). But wait, there’s more: Maybe it only applies to people born after 2009…

Most likely, it doesn’t matter at all. Because if you are the type of person who won’t get out of bed when your horoscope tells you it’s a one-star day, you have bigger problems.

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